When I remember it, I think of it as dancing. Dancing with eyes half closed because to open them would break the spell. Dancing as if language had surrendered to movement — as if this ritual, this wordless ceremony, was now the way to speak, to whisper private and sacred things, to be in touch with some otherness. Dancing as if the very heart of life and all its hopes might be found in those assuaging notes and those hushed rhythms and in those silent and hypnotic movements. Dancing as if language no longer existed because words were no longer necessary…”
I got up well before dawn today and went to the shortest stream to move before starting vigorous doing with the strimmer at about 6. A completely unimaginable beginning of the day for someone who never got up before 10 if he could possibly help it.
I wondered where the satisfaction of being with, holding, pressing against, lying on a tree comes from. Does it arise from within me? It doesn't seem to. I moved all the time with the word and idea of satisfaction. Lots of thoughts: the 'faction' is making, the 'satis' is enough. making enough not making full.complete making enough not made enough making enough not given enough making enough not getting enough who is doing the making? surely I am? I half stood/half lay against/on one of the mossy trees and there arose such a strong and clear sense of satisfaction.
The feeling arose but I was unclear where it began, where it came from. It was a response to the shape and texture and solidity and pressure offered by the tree, or offered by my pressing myself against the tree. But I couldn't say that the feeling was entirely mine. It was somehow caused in part by the tree and seemed to come into me, to arise between me and the tree as a sensation which I then experienced - as if it had a life of its own. And I couldn't exactly say that I received the feeling any more than I could say that I produced the feeling - it was partly active and partly passive. Then, thinking about satisfaction (which comes from the Latin 'to make [or do] enough', I was interested in the making or doing. What about receiving enough as well as doing enough? That would be satisception. Or being enough? That would be satisessence. |
Author: AndrewArchives
April 2014
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